Transcript

The following is an almost word by word transcript of a phone conversation I had not long ago. It has nothing to do with EMS, ambulances or anything such like, except for the fact that the conversation took place when I was woken up by the phone ringing less than an hour after going to bed after a night shift. 

It was a conversation between ColdCaller (CC) and a slightly disgruntled, but surprisingly ever calm InsomniacMedic (IM). For the purposes of this conversation, IM lives at 123 High Street, Neartown, Z99 9ZZ. 

*RING RING* *RING RING*

IM: Unintelligible... "Hello?" 

CC: Overseas call pause and click... "Is this Mr IM?" 

IM: "Who's this?" 

CC: "This is Bill from PPI International. I'm calling you to help save you money."

IM: "Whatever you're selling, I'm not buying." 

CC: "I'm not selling anything sir. I'm offering you a service."

IM: "And what service might that be?" 

CC: "Like I said, I'm calling to help you save money, by claiming back payments on a loan that you shouldn't have made."

IM: "Which loan would that be?" 

CC: "You know the one, the loan you took out some time ago." 

IM: "Hedging your bets there, aren't you?" 

CC: "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

IM: "Never mind. Can you tell me the name of your company again please and where you're based?" 

CC: "PPI International, and our headquarters are in Karachi." 

IM: "And you're not selling anything, just offering a service, right?" 

CC: "Correct." 

IM: "Is this a free service?" 

CC: "Well, no, it is not free, we charge a fee." 

IM: "So you are selling something then?"

CC: "It is not selling, it is providing a service for a fee." 

IM: "Right. OK then. And who's the CEO of your company?" 

CC: "Why do you ask?" 

IM: "I like to know about any company which randomly calls and offers to help me. I just want to do some research and make sure that you are who you say you are." 

CC: "The CEO is Mr Khan." 

IM: "You say that your HQ is in Karachi. Where exactly is your office?" 

CC: "You want to know where my office is?" 

IM: "Exactly. Where do you go every day to make these phone calls?"

CC: "I'm not sure of the exact address." 

IM: "You don't know where you go to work every day?" 

CC: "I know where I go, I just don't know the address." 

IM: "I'll ask you one more time, and if you can't answer the question, I'm hanging up. Where do you go to work every day?" 

CC: Short pause. "OK, I don't normally give out my work address, but it is 123 High Street, Neartown."

IM: "Pardon? Can you repeat that? And tell me the postcode too please." 

CC: "My work address is 123 High Street, Neartown, Z99 9ZZ." 

IM: "You're sure? That's your work address? That's where you start and finish every working day?" 

CC: "Yes, that's right." 

IM: "Well then, how do you like your coffee???" 

CC: "Umm... Err..." Click, Beeeep

Moral of the story? Never, never, wake up an already sleep-deprived insomniac.