Images

When insomnia seems a blessing rather than a curse, I know that it's time to take a break. When sleeping leads to dreams, nightmares, that wake me up, sometimes it's better just to stay awake. It's then that I know that I need to step away, albeit briefly. For some reason, working the day (well, two nights) of the strike last week, led me to exactly that point.

Working those shifts led to a torrent of emotions, from fear to pride, from anxiety to hatred, from fulfilment to total despair. Finishing my shift on the morning after, I got home and was ready to throw my uniform away for good. I was exhausted and frustrated, and calls that I would normally deal with on a regular basis, and that would have no lasting effects on me, suddenly turned into difficult calls. I heard of other calls that night, calls that I thank my lucky stars that I didn't attend but that colleagues, friends of mine did, because I think that having to deal with those calls as well, would have left me a broken shell. It seems that the world was going all out to make it as difficult as possible to do our job. Fewer ambulances, more calls, more serious calls. 

And I left work that night with the image of a smiling child burnt into my mind. A picture that was hanging on a wall. A child, no older than my youngest, with a grin like a Cheshire cat, holding a trophy, beaming with pride.  That child was about to have their world crumble all around them, as soon as the police had done their job - a job I didn't envy one little bit. 

It all conspired to leave me wondering whether it was all worth it, with what the police officer in the blog I've linked to refers to as an involuntary slide show. The politics, the trauma, the arguments, the abuse, the emotions. I had to step away, just for a few days. Not read any blogs or write them, not think about the ambulance service, not talk about it, not consider the possibility of working some overtime. I had to spend some time with friends and family, some time not seeing things in perspective, but seeing them through slightly rose-tinted glasses. 

The image of that child will, I'm sure, stay with me, even though I never met them in person. One day, I might write about the call itself, but not yet. For now, I'm ready to go back to work, if a little anxious. The tensions of the strike are no longer there, everyone is just there to do what we do best: saving people's lives. Or at the very least, improving them. 

Time Off

It's only a weekend, but it's hopefully long enough.

I'm taking some time away from anything ambulance related, including this blog. It's been a tough few days, what with strikes and some recent calls that are playing (preying?) on my mind a little too much.

So no posts for this weekend, just some time away.

I'm taking the advice of someone with vast amounts of experience more than me, and I'm sure he's right.

Hope you understand.

Politics, Strikes and Goodwill

Those of you who read my ramblings on a regular basis, will know that 99% of the time, I try to avoid any of the politics involved in this job, and concentrate on real people and real events. This time, however, the politics are a little bit too big to ignore. 

In under nine hours time, a huge strike by some two million public-sector workers will begin. I wrote about my feelings on this strike in a post at the beginning of the month, and I still stand by what I said then. In fact, I resigned my membership of the union last week, so as not to be in a position where I had to decide at the last minute where my allegiances lay, or leave me any room for second thoughts. 

Over the past few days I have spoken to many of my colleagues, all with differing views on the strike. Some are supporting it wholeheartedly and will down tools, some who are still torn between the patients and the greater cause, some who agree with me that this is the wrong way to go about things. The unions and the ambulance service have been in negotiations as to what sort of cover will be provided, and the agreement that has been reached is that the vast majority of calls that we normally attend will still have an ambulance arrive. At times the response may be slower, but the most serious calls will still hopefully receive the normal fast response. 

This agreement, whilst seen by many as turning the strike into a something of a damp squib rather than a strong statement, did something positive for those who were unsure as to the best course of action. Many, many paramedics (and nurses) felt very uncomfortable with the idea of striking and leaving their patients in need. There was a general uneasiness, something that I think the government (or Government) relied on a little too much, amongst many public servants, particularly those with direct and immediate public contact. An uneasiness that leaving our jobs for a day would impact badly on people who, through no fault of their own, are some of the most vulnerable in our society. 

The uneasiness felt by many, certainly in the health service sector, took yet another battering this afternoon. Just a few hours ago, the Chancellor announced that at the end of the two year public-sector pay freeze, a fiscal policy that still has some time to run, there will now be another two year period of only 1% pay rises. With an annual rate of inflation somewhere around the 5% mark, that pay-cap, in real terms, means a pay cut over four years in the region of some twenty percent. At the same time, tens of thousands of people on benefits, some genuinely, some whose claims range from dubious to outright fraudulent, will enjoy a rise in line with that rate of inflation. I'm no economist, but surely, the best way to get the economy jump-started is to encourage more work, not less. 

Many of those who were left confused and unsure about a strike, and who were going to work through it, are now left battered and bruised by another swipe taken at their goodwill and desire to serve the public. There's a limit to how many times a person can be beaten and bounce back. There's a limit to how much goodwill can be stretched. Every person has their breaking point, even the most public spirited of us. 

I'll be working through the strike, but with a little more personal turmoil than I had anticipated. I will try to tweet throughout tonight and tomorrow night, bringing a selection of sights, sounds and thoughts from the front line. Who knows what lays the other side of the picket lines. 

Unison on Strike

This is a rare political post. Ignore if you so wish. 

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So, it seems that Unison, the union to which I belong, having decided to ballot all its members for a strike, has got the majority it wanted. 70% voted in favour. However, fewer than 30% of the members bothered to vote in what has been billed by union chiefs as the public sector fightback of the century. Several things have become obvious over the past few months: 

1) Many public sector workers are indeed feeling particularly unfairly treated, and often with good reason. 

However, 

2) Very few trust their own union (also, I believe, with good reason), and 

3) Very few, in relative numbers at least, believe that as public workers, striking is the correct course of action. 

I voted against the strike. Not because I think there's nothing wrong, because there is plenty. I voted against because it goes against each and every one of my principles as a public sector worker in general, and as a paramedic in particular. We are all entitled to our rights and privileges, and must indeed sometimes fight for them. Turning off the engines on all the ambulances, however, seems the wrong thing to do. 

The government won't suffer if we down tools. Our patients will. These patients won't turn their anger at the government either, they'll aim it squarely between the eyes of the ambulance service, and at the very next paramedic they meet. 

Time will tell if this strike will eventually go ahead, but I, for one, won't be striking. If that means resigning my membership of this particular union, so be it. If my maths is any good, it would seem that a mere 23% of members of one single union are holding an entire country to ransom. That, in and of itself, is wrong. If the majority of the majority voted in favour, then that might be something different. But to have two-thirds apathetic to the point of not voting, and then going out on strike based on the majority of a small minority, will always, in my eyes, be wrong. 

Fight the fight, but don't lose sight of who we really are, what we really do, and who we are really here to help.