Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Proof of Creationism

I know that the title doesn't sound like the sort of thing I'd usually post, but stay with me. I found the item below completely by accident months and months ago, and just saved it as a document on my home computer. I apologise to the person from whom I stole, as I can't give you any credit. Credit, in any case, is not mine.
When God made paramedics, He was into His sixth day of overtime. An angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
So God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?
A Paramedic has to be able to carry an injured person up a wet, grassy hill in the dark, dodge stray bullets to reach a dying child unarmed, enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch, and not wrinkle his uniform."
"He has to be able to lift three times his own weight. Crawl into wrecked cars with barely enough room to move, and console a grieving mother as he is doing CPR on a baby he knows will never breathe again."
"He has to be in top mental condition at all times, running on no sleep, black coffee and half-eaten meals, and he has to have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands??? No way!"
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God replied. "It's the three pairs of eyes a medic has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
God nodded. "One pair that sees open sores as he's drawing blood, always wondering if the patient is HIV positive," when he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job, "another pair here in the side of his head for his partner's safety. And another pair of eyes here in front that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say, "You'll be alright ma'am when he knows it isn't so."
"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," God replied. "I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk out from behind a steering wheel without incident and feed a family of five on a public service paycheck."
The angel circled the model of the Paramedic very slowly. "Can it think?" she asked.
"You bet", God said. "It can tell you the symptoms of 100 illnesses; recite drug calculations in it's sleep; intubate, defibrillate, medicate, and continue CPR non-stop over terrain that any doctor would fear... and it still keeps its sense of humor."
"This medic also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with a multi-victim trauma, coax a frightened elderly person to unlock their door, comfort a murder victim's family, and then read in the daily paper how Paramedics were unable to locate a house quickly enough, allowing the person to die. A house that had no street sign, no house numbers, no phone to call back."
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Paramedic.
"There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak," God replied, "It's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled up emotions, for patients they've tried in vain to save, for commitment to that hope that they will make a difference in a person's chance to survive, for life."
"You're a genius!" said the angel.
God looked somber.

--Author unknown


slmiller72 said...

What a fantastic piece!

When described as above, our job is much more complex than I have ever really contemplated. I love my job and have always had the opinion that it is in effect, quite an easy one - what makes it difficult is the politics, the way we are aggressively managed and the shift work.

When put into words what it is that we do I am so very proud to be a paramedic.

Interestingly, imagine if that was our job description/ contract? There would not be enough money in the kitty to pay us our worth...

A great post - thanks Ben for sharing it with us :)

MaddMedic said...

Have seen this before and it is pretty neat! So true of all whom work in EMS and Public Safety.

911 and the Randomness.. said...


Gina E. said...

I'm an Aussie woman, 60+, just discovering all these blogs written by paramedics. I wish I could convey my thoughts to all you good people; I work in aged care, and I have had experiences both as a patient and a carer, involving ambulances. I'm not some religious freak, but I reckon you are all angels, sent on a mission. Thank you.